it's time for a change...

 It's now May, and my last post was in March. I was hoping that I'd be able to write an update to this post saying that things have miraculously improved - I keep having to remind myself that change takes a while but I don't know how long I'm expected to wait for that change to happen. It's been over a year since I finished uni, and reflecting on the past year, things have definitely improved - but not massively. I'm really trying to be more positive about my post-lockdown life, but about 20 minutes ago, I got a rejection for a job that I wanted and it's made me a bit despondent. I know that my worth isn't dependant on a job offer, and I should look at the positives, but it's hard when you're so sick of everything else. 

I'm oh so aware that I have an ideal life- as I'm writing this I'm sitting in a cosy café drinking a peppermint tea listening to Fleetwood Mac - and the past year has taught me that I should be grateful for being able to do things like that, but I just want things to work out. I want so badly to have the ideal life I dreamed of having when I was just starting university and naïve to the reality of life. 

I'm making loads of changes in my life - or trying to. I'm a lot happier than I was in March - I was crying almost everyday, and when I think about that, I know I'm on the right track to becoming A Happier Ashleigh™. On that vein, I've decided that I needed to redo my blog to give me a bit of motivation to continue writing, and hopefully someone out there decides they enjoy it - and if not, at least I enjoy it. I want to read more, and take time for the things that make me happy . I have a tendency to become too wrapped up in other peoples problems and life, I'm terrible for comparing myself to other people and thinking "my life should be a certain way as I'm almost 23". I'm s l o w l y coming to terms with the fact that my life won't be the way I want it *just like that*, the #girlboss persona in me knows that dreams don't work unless you do!, and things don't just appear (unless you're insanely lucky and marry rich). 

Over the past few months, I have been working really hard on myself (what a cliché, I know) and *reader's note, this is extremely cringe* I feel like March 2020-March 2021 was phase 1 of Ashleigh's postgraduate life where she feels sorry for herself but doesn't actually sort anything, and this is phase 2 of my twenties where she's making an effort to try to sort her life out. Here's hoping that phase 3 comes soon. (My playlist is on shuffle and is now playing Mr. Blue Sky which I feel is emblematic of my shift from phase 1 to 2). 

Anyway, I hope that this post has resonated with someone (even if one person understands, I'll feel less alone!) I'm hoping (not making any promises) that I'll have some new post ideas so I don't feel obliged to complain about my life, and hopefully I'll be back to posting once a week (after a loooooong hiatus). Thanks so much for reading! 

Ashleigh :)